is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
