Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
