Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
