You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
