You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
