Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
