I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
