The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
