fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
