This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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