I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
