Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
