We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
