I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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