the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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