i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
