hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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