I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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