had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
