If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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