Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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