no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
