Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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