Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
