so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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