Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it because I queefed?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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