I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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