its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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