You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
