Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
