I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
