did you get engaged???
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
