I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
