I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
