that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
