holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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