toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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