he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
