Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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