Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
