I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
