Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
