If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
