My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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