she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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