Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
