East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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