Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
