tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He passed out mid-signature
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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