My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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