I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
