if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
