I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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