Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
