How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
