So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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