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It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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