First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
