I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
