I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
