That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
