After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
