someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
