You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
