I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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