I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize