So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
