I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My bed smells like the plague
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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