So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
