The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
