Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.