i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.