I didn't shave. On purpose
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair