I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.