You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
