Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.