Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
