people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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