He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
