i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
