Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
